Thank You Notes: Potluck Dinners, Flu Shots

-I was just running a bit
behind today, so I thought, if you guys wouldn’t mind,
I’d just like to write out my weekly thank-you notes
right now. Is that cool with you? [ Cheers and applause ] James, can I get some
thank-you-not-writing
music, please? [ Piano plays ] Oh, my God.
-Happy New Year. -Yeah, Happy New Year,
buddy. Yeah. Holy moly. Where were you when
the ball dropped, you know? -Wow. He was 14. [ Piano plays ] “Thank you,
Christmas trees on the curb, for looking like
you’re still recovering from going too hard
on New Year’s Eve.” [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Don’t even. “Thank you, pot-luck dinners,
for being a great way to trick your friends into
catering a party for you.” It’s like,
“Hey, what’s the deal? You invite me?”
-“Yeah, come on.” -“Come on over, bud.”
-“I’ve got a menu for you.” -“Just bring whatever
you want to eat or drink, and we’ll have
a good time.” [ Speaks indistinctly ]
-“We’ll be gone.” -We’ll be gone,
but you have a blast.” “Thank you, Sears,
for reaching a last-minute deal to stay in business. I think I speak for everyone
when I say, ‘Wait, you were still
in business?'” [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] I always love Sears. -[ Speaks indistinctly ] -You liked [ indistinct ]
more than Sears?” -I liked [ indistinct ]
more than Sears, yeah. “Thank you,.
music-festival lineups, for basically being
eye exams for hipsters.” [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] “Thank you, flu shots, for being the only time
I’m like, ‘You work at CVS? Sure, I’ll trust you to
stick a needle in my body.'” Guys, those are my
thank-you notes.