(upbeat music) – 2009 is the year of too many choices. It’s also, if you were a swimsuit aficionado, Christie Brinkley. – [Adam] Oh my god, the
beautiful Christie Brinkley. – [Will] Made her debut. – Very first Taco Bell
opened in America in 2009. – [Will] And became what it is today. – But unfortunately in 2009, a crazy man with a copy
of Catcher of the Rye robbed us of one of the
greatest musical talents in history, John Lennon. Let’s do a 15 minute. – [Both] Moment of silence – To honor John Lennon. – 2009. Imagine. – Yeah, but you can’t talk
during the moment of silence. The whole idea is that we’re silent. – I know, but he did write it. He wrote that. – Okay, but do you understand
like, moment of silence? – I totally, I totally get it. – The whole idea is we
put our own egos aside. – I’ve participated in
countless moments of silence. – Okay, we’re gonna move on from that. In all sincerity, my
favorite video maybe ever comes out that year and
it stars Will Ferrell and it’s called Bat Fight. ♫ Circling and circling
and circling and circling ♫ Circle and you circle
then you circle some more – It led to a uh… A kind of, a kind of a sensation around the country. People started having comedic bat fights. It didn’t lead to an upswing in violence. – Uh there were cases. – Well, there were, okay. – Some people did ’em in a funny way and then some people
didn’t take it as a joke. – But a very catchy tune. – But you know, Bat Fight was
the first time we did a video where you realized not only
is this a big giant video, this is as big as the movie Jaws, ET, Indiana Jones. – Mm-hmm,
– And– – Capricorn One. – It was weird seeing
Steven Spielberg at a party and making eye contact with him and I mouthed to him, “Can you feel it?” – He said, “Come over
here, can I talk to you?” And Adam went, “No, I don’t have to.” – And then we had a movie
in development with him and he pulled the plug on it. Cost us a lot of money. Had to take out a full
page apology in Variety. – All you had to do was walk
10 feet across the room. – I got carried away. Bat Fight got like, millions of hits. – We would’ve been on easy street. – Nowhere near Jaws or ET,
like looking back at it. Or Capricorn One.
It’s dirty, right? Hey, you need more tissues? No, thanks. No, I mean I can get you more tissues if you want. I don’t need more tissues. Thanks. Anything else that you need? Water? Menu Card? Just some quiet, alone time. Okay. Hey. Actually, I’m not a waiter. I thought you might think
I’m one because I asked, you might think I’m waiting. I am waiting for someone. But I’m not waiting tables. Even I’m waiting. My boyfriend is about to come. Okay. Can I take this seat? My boyfriend is about to come. Yes, I heard that the first time itself. I’ll leave once he comes. I’m Mikesh, by the way. Monica. Actually, I lied. About what? My name. It’s not Mikesh. Then? It’s Chandler. Chandler? Your real name is Chandler? Yes. Chandler,what? Chandler,what? Chandler Chaudhary? Chandler Gupta? Chandler Fernandes? Tanu Is it necessary to say the surname
while role-playing? Micky, what’s wrong with you? Chandler, of all the names? How would I know we’re changing names?! Suddenly, you said Monica. I was just about to say Bill Clinton! Alright, I’m sorry. Let’s play again? I mean, let’s do it again. I’ll come again. Hey. Hi. I was just passing by, and I saw you sitting alone. So, I was wondering if you could buy me a I mean, can I buy you a? Sorry, I’ll come again. Hey, hi! I was just passing by
and I was also looking Sit. Hi. I’m Mikesh. And you are? Tanya. Tanya! Nice to meet you. Excuse me, madam? I’ve been noticing since a while. Is this man bothering you? What are you doing those gestures for? I’ll fuck your aunt ass-hole. Stop those perverted gestures. She’s my girfriend man! We are doing a role-play. I’m playing a bad boy. Hello? Hey, Leelay? Keep the hockey stick back in the car. No, no, this man was role-playing. He’s playing a bad boy. The woman? She’s playing a babe. The woman is playing the
character of a babe. Come, come. You ruined the entire performance! Let us focus man! Sorry. There was a slight misunderstanding. Firstly, put your phone on silent. You too, ma’am. Have been using What’s app ever since. Yes. Shall we start from the beginning? Or shall we start one
from here, while sitting? Alright, so you’ll be entering now? Yes, you should enter once. We’ll have some variety. Are you leaving? Tanu! Sorry. I can fix all of this. We could do one thing. We’ll go down and tease her. Then you could come like Superman. And save her. You people will never understand art. Tanu! Hey, I was acting so well! We should have decided the
dialogues at home and come. Don’t throw this. It’ll get dirty. I have to return it to the
costume store tomorrow. Tanu. Listen. I know, the role play idea was mine. But. What was the need of overdoing it? I could have come home
dressed as a Firefighter. Won’t that have been better? Mikesh. Two weeks after we moved
in, you went to USA. Did I say anything to you? No. You returned two months ago, and are going back again in two weeks. Did I say anything to you? No. Day before yesterday, you tell me that your parents are coming to meet
me tomorrow, for the first time. Did I say anything? No. Today, I’m trying to fulfil
your sci-fi babe fantasy. You don’t even appreciate it. Instead, you’re suggesting
a better plan to me! Are you getting nervous
because of my parents? What’s there to be worried about? You’ve spoken to them on the phone. I’m meeting them tomorrow
for the first time. I’ll meet them next directly
after a year, at our wedding. I don’t want them to feel that their son is getting
married to the wrong person. They like you so much. Last year, when they went to Sikkim, didn’t they send a Laughing Buddha for you? Mikesh, its not just your family. We plan to shift to USA after our marriage. My family, your family. My carreer, your career. Everything has to be sorted. And you’re leaving in 13 days. Sorry. What else can I say? Micky, we have a plan
for the next few years and like tonight, please, please don’t screw it up. It’s not just for our happiness, it’s for
everyones happiness. The plan has to work. Nothing can go wrong. There’s no possibility that anything What’s wrong with you? Tanu! I’ve told you so many times
not to drink alcohol. You can’t digest it. While people are doing the
‘Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan’, you’re puking here. Shut up Mikesh. Peanuts. I didn’t even have a drop of alcohol. So? Fuck! What are you doing Pintu! How much will you pee? You hardly drink enough
water to pee this often. We’ve spoilt everything, Micky. We’re screwed. There is no chance. We’ve always done it safely. Don’t you remember we took a
shower together on Guru Purnima? I’d hidden one behind the Odonil packet. ‘Safety First’ has been
my motto since NCC days. Condoms have a 5% failure rate. They also have a 95% success rate. How can we be that unlucky? My periods. I’m 5 days late. Even when you take antibiotics, they get late. By weeks. The pee-stick, Micky. It said I’m pregnant. It was a local brand. Even when I pissed on it, it said I was pregnant. How do you stay so positive? You should have Chavanpraysh. You don’t listen when I tell you. Still. What if. What if, what? What if I’m Plus you’re leaving soon. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? Come on. No, I’m serious. I mean we’ll do as you say. You tell me what do we do. I don’t know. Maybe I’m being a jerk, but I’m too ambitious. We had a 5 year plan for all of this. Now, suddenly If this happens, this baby will
become the sole ambition of our lives. Have you seen our parents? We are their only priority. And I’m working too hard
towards being a Brand Manager. Not a mom. I don’t think I can limit my ambitions, like our parents did. Nothing of that sort will happen. Why do you think so negatively? Think positively and
positive things will happen. The report is coming in an hour or two. Think positively about it, and you’ll No, think negatively and positive
things will happen. No, And your mom just had to come today. Atleast my mother is coming to meet us. What has your mother ever done for us? My mom has been dead for 21 years. Still. Has she ever done anything for us? Now you don’t start. Can this day get any worse? Yes. Fuck me. Here? Tanu, you always excite me and then Shut up Mikesh. Are you not able to understand? This is the Gynac floor. Your stomach cannot be checked here. Please Sir. There has been some discomfort in my
stomach since a few weeks. Please check me alongside her. You cannot get your stomach checked here. We can only do your wife’s check-up here. Not my wife. She is my mother. Phulwari. P for Phulwaari. Namaste. So shall I get myself checked too, sir? Are you pregnant? Are you bearing a child? No. I’m not with a child. Is it compulsary? You do something, go to the third floor. Alright? You shall find the Physician there. Get yourself checked and treated. Okay. So will you take my mother inside? Why do I need to take her? Sir, she is wearing a Polyster saree. Can’t see through it. She might hurt herself. Had it been a Cotton saree, I wouldn’t have bothered you. Alright. Please come. Let’s go. Thank you sir. Micky, if he sees us, I’m not going to talk to you. Why are you getting so scared? He’s not a monster that will eat us. Shall we get up or do you
want to stay like this? He has left. Hey, Mikesh bhaiya! Tanya bhabhi! Go around and come. You can’t come from here. Mikesh bhaiya, Namaste! Namaste! Pranaam bhabhi! How come both of you are here? Am I an uncle? No, no Mikesh has a headache. Since two days. Really? But I’ve been told to get that checked
one has to go to the third floor. To get checked here, its
necessary to have a child. No, no There is a form in English,
if you fill that then In English. On the third floor. Alright. That’s what I was wondering, You two haven’t even got married,
how can there be a baby? I’m an idiot. Dad is calling. Hello Yes, dad Oh, sorry. You hardly meet up. Yes, I keep busy with work so Right. I don’t have a single photograph with you. May I take a couple of selfies with you? Yes, we’re at home. My voice is echoing because
I’m in the bathroom. How about a couple of smoking poses? Have you checked in? You’ve landed? What do you mean by ‘a surprise’? Tanu. We’ll have to rush. I’m first ! I’m first ! This is the fourth floor,right? Yes! I am first. Look at that. The old woman came last again. It takes you fifteen minutes
to climb four floors. You ran without paying the driver. Dad happily took the lift. Someone had to get the luggage, right? Mikesh was gladly coming to the airport. But no. Who gives a surprise by coming 2 hours earlier?! The world has changed by leaps and bounds.
You’re still stuck in Old Palaise. Who has the time for planned
surprises these days? This is how its done. You feel like giving a
surprise, and surprise! What will Tanya think? ‘We haven’t even got married… and they have already arrived uninformed. What will they do later?’
It doesn’t look good. Lata, you’re soon to be her mother-in-law. Learn how to be a bit prompt and fun, and you’ll become friends
with her! Of course and as if your mother was like my best friend!
Shall I remind you? Come on! Don’t let such old
matters hurt your ego. Why are you going on the
fourth floor again and again? Mr. Agarwal stays on the seventh floor. I was here in ’98. Dad! One can see Hugli from his balcony. Dad. Sorry! He’s with us. We are not in Calcutta. We’re in Bombay. What? Just a minute. We’re in Bombay, Dad. Bombay! We’ve come to Mumbai. Miku’s house. Miku?! Yes. The one whose funeral we went to last week? Where they served unripe
papaya in the Dal Khichdi? Dad! The things you say! It was Mehta Uncle’s dog’s
funeral, we were attending. That’s what I was wondering. Why would we bury Miku in a sack? I beg of you, we’re meeting our soon to be daughter-in
-law for the first time, Please don’t let her feel she’s
getting married into a mad-house. Even though she will
find out the truth soon enough. I’m coming in two minutes.
Will you please open the door? You said you were going to pee. Why are you shaving? I am meeting mom and dad. I better shave and look like a gentleman. You make them sit. Yes, of course. I’ll make them sit, offer tea. And when the doctor calls
fifteen minutes later, I’ll sit down with them and decide
the name of our child as well. Okay? Tanu. Don’t jump the gun. Baby steps. Sorry, wrong example. Mikesh, I might be pregnant. Your parents are right
outside the door. I might have ruined my entire
career because of one small mistake and if I made a priority list right now, your stubble would be at the
absolute fucking bottom. Tanu, listen to me. Do you know if you look in every nook and corner of this house, what will you find? Your love for me? No. Condoms. Because I never take chances. Do you remember the day I got a bonus? We were in the kitchen. We were together. But there was something between us. Tanu, there is no way that I have fertilised your eggs. Your eggs are secure. Don’t worry about all this. Ok? Go and open the door. I forgot to pee. Uncle, aunty, please come in. You took so long to open the door.
Were you racing? Looks like you came first! No, it’s slightly hot so, Alright. Get the bags. No, it’s alright. Please don’t. No, please. He is, Mikesh’s grandfather. Namaste. I don’t have a problem,
you may touch my feet. She is, Mikesh’s fiance. This time when he returns from America, they plan to get married. Looks like Sadhana. Sadhana, the actress? Or is she a relative of yours? No, she is a maid at our house. Actually, his eyesight has
also started deteriorating. Dad! How are you? You’ve become quite fair! Of course! The cream that you send for your mother, is actually used by me. Why don’t you have a seat? I’ve bought such great furniture. It matches with the walls. Grandpa, how are you? Why don’t you ask your mother? She’s put me in an 8×4 room, along with a 15inch televison. Without cable television. How will a man who watches
Doordarshan 24×7 survive? I had no idea Grandpa was also coming. We didn’t know either. That’s how he has become. Everytime we plan to leave for
someplace, he comes up with a cough. Says, ‘I have a few days left to live, make me meet Miku’ So, we had to get him along. In the evening, if you light an incense stick in a closed room, one will end up coughing the entire night. I don’t like incense sticks. I don’t want incense sticks. Just because I’m old, they put it. Every night, this soap opera starts off at our house. I keep watching it. I enjoy. Forget that. Tell me, did you fially meet Tanya?! Miku, she opened the door, of course, we met her. So? What do you think of my choice? She’s very good. She’s beautiful. You are very beautiful. You are too gorgeous. Very good. Thank you uncle. There’s no need to thank me. If you are beautiful, you are. Say it you’re beautiful. Alright, she understood. You did, didn’t you? That is what I am saying. She is very beautiful. You must be tired, I’ll get some tea for everybody. You’re not just beautiful on the outside, you’re as beautiful from the inside. We’ll surely have tea. I’ll come help you. No, please. Get used to calling her ‘mom’ now. Listen, no sugar in my tea, no milk in mine, no tea leaves in mine. Hi, Doctor. This is Tanya Nagpal. I’d come to you in the morning for Yes, my reports are due. I got a new jacket, the John Travolta one So, she said, ‘Hi, I’m Monica’ How could she say that? If it would have been me, I’d
have said I am Bill Clinton. Do you know whats going on? Where you are? What is going to happen? Do you have a clue? What happenend? Mikku isn’t buying a bottle of shampoo, he is going to get married. For the rest of her life this girl will What are you doing dad? Grandpa! Switch it on. What are you doing dad? I am going to take a dump. Is there a problem with that too, now? I’ll quit eating from tomorrow. Then, there will be no problem. Please go a bit softly. Is it my fault, that they have a lame dining table? So much for working in a private company. Look at the cheap table that they have. I’ll be back in a minute. Tanu. Remember we ordered Chinese food the other day? You were in the mood. You threw the food off the table. Then we had to have Poha at night. That day, I forgot to He’s saying that, I tested positive and the reports are on the way. He’s sending them here? Let me talk to her. Hello, Doctor. Why are you sending the report home? With whom? But I am the boyfriend. What do you mean by ‘you never know with young people’? Just because someone showed you a
selfie, implies he is the boyfriend? Which selfie? You’re not Mikesh bhaiya. Has he kept a paying guest? I am Mikesh’s father. Don’t look like it, do I? No. Namaste uncle. I am Purshottam. I have come directly from the temple. And I’m here with good news. I was hungry so I ate one Purshottamji. Hey, Mikesh bhaiya! He is our agent. He has some good news. Yes, he got us this house too. Please come, we’ll talk peacefully. I’ve left brokery uncle, I’m a driver now. Take the ladoos from him. What are you doing ? You say whatever comes to your mind. What is there to feel shy about? Father asked me to stand on my feet. I’m a proud OLA driver now. Customers give us a 5 star rating. We make loads of money. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the reports. Do you realise how tensed I was?
Do you understand anything? I understand everything. You have a headache
because of this tension. I also got Disprin for you
from the medical store. What are you doing? Dad we were racing. The ladoos will fall, there will be ants everywhere. My son! Come on! Buck up! Kill him! Tanya I thought I should help you. No, please. I’ll do it. It’s hot, isn’t it? Yes. You must be feeling hot. No, you’ve been the one making the tea. To tell you the truth, even I’m a bit worrried. I mean, there weren’t too many women in Mikesh’s family. Even his grandmother, passed away a few years after my marriage. So even I don’t have much experience with this. Me neither. I was six when my mother Yes, Miku told me. Who used to buy your clothes then? Me. Shall I ask you something? You may find it a bit odd. No, please go ahead. What did you see in Mikesh? Why are you getting married to him? I’m not being negative. After all, I am his mother. I mean, I had an arranged marriage, so it makes sense. But, why are you? Aunty, he’s nice. No, let me tell you about myself. I didn’t want to get married. Not just to him, but not to anyone. I wanted to take a B.Ed degree and get a job. But my family, of course, wanted to marry me off
as early as possible. I resisted a lot. I went on a hunger strike for 3-4 days. But they didn’t budge. So, then? Then, I agreed. I got married. But Mikesh said, you used to teach. No, I did the course after marriage. I was carrying Mikku in my final year. I delivered one week before my viva exam. So how did you manage? Pregnancy, studies and everything else? I really wanted to, so I managed. My grandmother always used to say, People who make excuses
get carried away, and people who want to
do something, do it. So I did it. Didn’t you ever plan a baby? Plan? Does his father look like someone with a plan? No. But, when Mikesh was growing up you must have had problems. Yes, there were a lot of problems. For instance, in the morning when he had to go to school, I had to make him ready, get
ready myself and get his dad ready. There were many times when I used to pack the wrong books in his bag. He used to get a thrashing in school because of me. When he was mischievous at home, I never used to beat him up. I just packed the wrong books in his bag the next day. This way, I used to outsource the beating. He never found out? Mikku hardly ever finds out anything, right? For instance, as a child he used to think, that his mother doesn’t eat food. He used to tell his friends, that ‘my mother gives me food, and then washes the dishes and sleeps. I’ve never seen her eating.’ He used to actually think, that I quell my hunger by seeing him eat. I mean, till you don’t have your own kids, you think your parents are god. And how they sacrifice so much for their kids. They do. But then, if Mikku had to be fed, his mother
used to eat quickly, while cooking. Maybe you hadn’t paid attention, but your mother too, when she had to, had her lunch. So why did you quit teaching? I started taking tuitions. I comfortably teach with the air conditioner on. Wearing a saree in Indore, in that heat If I tell you something, you woundn’t tell anyone? No. Tell me. Shall I really tell you? Yes, please. You won’t think I’m being strange? No, I promise. So, the thing is, from the start, I didn’t like wearing a bra at all. Even today when the
tuition gets over, I quickly go and unhook it. What?! I feel so comfortable. And nobody finds out. What if someone comes from outside? So what? I quickly wear a shawl or go and hook it in the bathroom. Mikesh’s dad doesn’t know till date. He asks me why I go to the
bathroom evertime Mr. Gupta comes. So I tell him, it’s Mr. Gupta’s face. It reminds me of the bathroom. Tanu. I Tanya, wanted to talk to you about something. Go, talk to Mikku. I’ll sieve the tea. Go. Yes. Come. Tanu. Look. I know we’ve caused a blunder. We shouldn’t have watched Fifty
Shades of Grey that night. We’ll figure it out. We’ll find a good doctor and handle it. Mikesh, wait. I don’t know. I don’t think I’m completely against the
idea of having this baby. I know it changes our existing plan completely But, let’s just think about this possibility. You mean, you’re pro-life? No, I’m obviously still pro-choice. Let’s just calm down. Sit down. And let’s talk about the choice. Don’t get tensed. I’ll cancel my trip to the U.S. In fact, I’ll just call my boss and tell him I accidently fertilised your eggs. No, no Let us first decide. Until then, no one can know. Please, nobody. Yes, that’s right. Especially your parents. Please, they can not
know about my pregnancy. We won’t tell anyone. No one
is pregnant in this house. That’s it. Grandpa, would you like something with your tea? Bikaneri Bhujia or something? Lata! Our daughter-in-law is pregnant! Lata, she is pregnant!
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>>GOOD EVENING.
GOOD EVENING. I’M CHRIS WALLACE.
AND WELCOME TO THE THIRD AND FINAL PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A LOT LIKE THE THIRD “LORD OF THE
RINGS” MOVIE. YOU DON’T REALLY WANT TO WATCH,
BUT HEY, YOU’VE COME THIS FAR. NOW LET’S WELCOME THE
CANDIDATES. DONALD J. TRUMP AND SECRETARY
HILLARY CLINTON. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>HELLO, CHRIS. THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
IN THE FIRST DEBATE, I SET THE TABLE.
IN THE SECOND DEBATE, I FIRED UP THE GRILL.
AND TONIGHT, I FEAST.>>CHRIS, I’M GOING TO START
THIS DEBATE IN THE QUIETEST VOICE POSSIBLE.
IN THE PAST, I HAVE BEEN BIG AND LOUD.
BUT TONIGHT, I AM A SWEET LITTLE BABY TRUMP.
>>THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR. OUR FIRST QUESTION IS FOR YOU
AND IT IS ABOUT REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS —
>>THEY’RE RIPPING BABIES OUT OF VAGINAS!
>>LISTEN, CHRIS. I’M GLAD YOU RAISED THIS TOPIC
BECAUSE WHAT TWO BETTER PEOPLE ARE THERE TO TALK ABOUT WOMEN’S
ISSUES? ME, A WOMAN WHO HAS HAD A CHILD
AND HAS TAKEN BIRTH CONTROL. AND HIM, A MAN WHO IS A CHILD
AND WHOSE FACE IS BIRTH CONTROL. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]>>AND WE’RE OFF TO THE RACES.
LET’S TALK IMMIGRATION. MR. TRUMP, WHY ARE YOUR
IMMIGRATION POLICIES BETTER THAN SECRETARY CLINTON’S?
>>BECAUSE SHE WANTS OPEN BORDERS AND THAT IS CRAZY.
I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE JUST POURING INTO THIS COUNTRY FROM MEXICO
AND A LOT OF THEM ARE VERY BAD HOMBRES.
>>OH, BINGO, BINGO, I GOT BINGO!
[ LAUGHTER ] I’VE BEEN PLAYING ALL YEAR AND I
GOT IT. BAD HOMBRES, RAPISTS, MISS
PIGGY, THEY’RE ALL LIVING IN HELL, EXAMINE AND IF SHE WASN’T
MY DAUGHTER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>CONGRATULATIONS, SECRETARY CLINTON.
MR. TRUMP, PLEASE CONTINUE.>>I HAVE A FANTASTIC
RELATIONSHIP WITH MEXICO. I HAVE PERSONALLY MET WITH THE
MEXICAN PRESIDENT, I FORGET HIS NAME, I THINK IT WAS SOMETHING
LIKE MR. GUACAMOLE. I’M SORRY, EXCUSE ME.
SENOR GUACAMOLE. I ALSO MET HEREWITH BEAUTIFUL
WIFE TEQUITA. AND THEIR TWIN CHILDREN CHIPS
AND SALSA.>>CHRIS, HERE IS THE TRUTH.
DONALD SAID HE WAS GOING TO BE TOUGH ON MEXICO, BUT WHEN HE MET
WITH THE PRESIDENT, HE CHOKED.>>WRONG.
TRADEMARKED.>>HE SAID HE’S GOING TO BE
TOUGH ON RUSSIA BUT HE’S BASICALLY PUTIN’S PUPPET.
>>LIAR, TRADEMARK.>>HE’S PROMISED TO ARE TOUGH ON
ISIS BUT HE’S NEVER EXPLAINED HOW.
>>THAT’S NOT EXACTLY TRUE. HIRES EXACTLY WHAT I’LL DO.
FIRST OFF SNIFF MOSUL IS SAD SNIFF AND WE’RE GOING AFTER
MOSUL BECAUSE ISIS IS IN MOSUL BUT SHE CREATED ISIS.
SNIFF IRAN SHOULD WRITE US A LETTER OF THANK YOU BECAUSE IRAN
IS TAKING IRAQ AND WE’RE GOING TO MOSUL AND IRAN’S GOING TO
WRITE US A LETTER OF LISTEN ALEPPO IS A DISASTER AND IRAN IS
IRAQ SNIFF AND ISIS –>>MR. TRUMP, WE HAVE TO MOVE
ON.>>OH THANK GOD.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON’T KNOW IF YOU COULD TELL
BUT I WAS REALLY SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL.
>>SECRETARY CLINTON, NOW, I’D LIKE TO ASK YOU ABOUT AN ONGOING
ISSUE FOR YOUR CAMPAIGN. WIKILEAKS HAS BEEN RELEASING
YOUR CAMPAIGN E-MAILS, MANY OF WHICH RAISE SOME SERIOUS
QUESTIONS.>>THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP MY
E-MAILS, CHRIS. AND I’M VERY HAPPY TO CLARIFY
WHAT WAS IN SOME OF THEM. SORRY, WHAT, CAROL?
WHAT? I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT I HEARD MY
FRIEND CAROL. ANYWAY, BACK TO YOUR QUESTION
ABOUT THE WAY DONALD TREATS WOMEN.
[ LAUGHTER ] AND THAT IS HOW YOU BY VOT.
PIVOT. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>SO YOU’RE JUST NEVER GOING TO ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT YOUR
E-MAILS.>>NO, BUT IT WAS VERY CUTE TO
WATCH YOU TRY.>>NOW MR. TRUMP, IN THE LAST
WEEK, 11 WOMEN ACCUSE YOU OF SEXUALLY ASSAULTING THEM.
DO YOU STILL DENY EACH OF THOSE CLAIMS?
>>CHRIS, OF COURSE I DO. I’M COMPLETELY INNOCENT.
I’VE SAID THIS BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN.
NOBODY HAS MORE RESPECT FOR WOMEN THAN I DO.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, SETTLE
DOWN. SETTLE DOWN, SETTLE DOWN, ENTIRE
PLANET, SETTLE DOWN. OUR NEXT QUESTION IS ABOUT THE
ECONOMY. MR. TRUMP, WHY ARE YOU BETTER
EQUIPPED THAN SECRETARY CLINTON TO FIX THE ECONOMY?
>>BECAUSE HILLARY HAS NO IDEA HOW TO FIX ANYTHING.
IF SHE DID SHE WOULD HAVE DONE IT ALREADY.
I MEAN, WHAT HAS SHE BEEN DOING —
>>DONALD, NO, NO, DONALD, DON’T SET HER UP —
>>I’D BE HAPPY TO TALK ABOUT THE LAST 30 YEARS.
>>OH, NO. NOT AGAIN.
>>BACK IN THE 1970s, I WORKED FOR THE CHILDREN’S DEFENSE FUND.
>>YES, YES, WE KNOW.>>I WAS A SENATOR IN NEW YORK
ON 9/11.>>YEAH, WE GET IT.
>>AND I WAS SECRETARY OF STATE AND I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE HEARD
THIS BEFORE –>>WE HAVE.
>>BUT I WAS INSTRUMENTAL IN TAKING DOWN A MAN BY THE NAME
OF –>>OSAMA BIN LADEN.
LADEN! [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]>>WE’RE ALL VERY PROUD OF YOUR
ACCOMPLISHMENTS, SECRETARY.>>CHRIS, SHE CAN BRAG ABOUT HER
RESUME BUT I’M THE ONE WHO’S GOT ALL THE HEAVY HITTERS SUPPORTING
ME. I MEAN, I HAVE GOT THE CREAM OF
THE CROP. I’VE GOT SARAH PALIN.
I’VE GOT CHACHI. GET THIS I’VE EVEN GOT THE BEST
BALDWIN BROTHER, STEPHEN BALDWIN.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>SECRETARY CLINTON. SECRETARY CLINTON, LET’S MOVE ON
TO ENTITLEMENTS. WILL YOU RAISE TAXES TO SAVE
PROGRAMS LIKE SOCIAL SECURITY AND MEDICARE?
>>YES, BUT ONLY ON THE VERY WEALTHY.
FOR EXAMPLE, MY CONTRIBUTIONS WILL GO UP AS WILL DONALD’S,
ASSUMING HE DOESN’T FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GET OUT OF THAT —
>>SUCH A NASTY WOMAN.>>WHOA, WHOA, MR. TRUMP.
MR. TRUMP, THAT WAS INCREDIBLY RUDE TO SECRETARY CLINTON.
>>THANK YOU, CHRIS. THAT’S EXACTLY THE KIND OF
LANGUAGE THAT HAS POISONED AND DEBASED THIS ELECTION.
AND IF YOU AGREE, GO TO HILLARYCLINTON.COM AND BUY A
LIMITED EDITION NASTY WOMAN MUG. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>NOW WE HAVE TO TURN TO THE BIG STORY OF THE WEEK.
MR. TRUMP, IT HAS BECOME VERY CLEAR THAT YOU’RE PROBABLY GOING
[ LAUGHTER ]>>NOW, WHEN YOU DO, WILL YOU
ACCEPT THE RESULTS OF THE ELECTION?
>>I WILL LOOK AT IT AT THE TIME.
BECAUSE FRANKLY THIS WHOLE THING IS RIGGED.
EVEN THE MEDIA. EVERY DAY I TURN ON THE NEWS AND
ALL OF THE NEWSCASTERS ARE MAKING ME LOOK SO BAD.
>>AND HOW ARE WE DOING THAT?>>BY TAKING ALL OF THE THINGS I
SAY AND ALL OF THE THINGS I DO AND PUTTING THEM ON TV.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>DONALD, LISTEN, I’M TRYING TO
HELP YOU, BUDDY. SO REPEAT AFTER ME.
I, DONALD TRUMP –>>I, THE BEST-EVER DONALD
TRUMP.>>PROMISE TO ACCEPT —
>>PROMISE TO ACCEPT.>>THE RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION.
>>THE RESULTS OF THIS ELECTION. FY WIN.
GOT YOU, LOSER, TRADEMARK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>>CHRIS WHAT HE HAS JUST SAID IS HORRIFYING.
AND THAT’S WHY AMERICANS HAVE AN IMPORTANT DECISION TO MAKE.
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US, WHO DO YOU TRUST TO BE YOUR PRESIDENT?
THE REPUBLICAN OR DONALD TRUMP? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>THANK YOU, SECRETARY. NOW, WE ARE ALMOST OUT OF
TIME –>>WE ARE?
OH, NO. LET ME JUST MAKE SURE THAT I
SAID EVERYTHING THAT I WANTED TO SAY.
OKAY, I’M GOOD. I’M GOOD.
>>NOW BEFORE WE CONCLUDE, YOU EACH WILL HAVE ONE MINUTE FOR
YOUR CLOSING STATEMENTS. MR. TRUMP, WE’LL START WITH YOU.
>>THANK YOU, CHRIS. THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY
SUPPORTERS. BECAUSE OF YOU, I AM WINNING IN
EVERY SINGLE POLL TAKEN OUTSIDE OF A CRACKER BARREL.
>>SECRETARY CLINTON.>>LISTEN, AMERICA.
DONALD TRUMP CANNOT BE PRESIDENT.
HE WOULD BE A DISASTER. A FAILURE.
A COMPLETE “F.” AND AMERICA, YOU DESERVE BETTER
THAN AN “F.” SO ON NOVEMBER 8th, VOTE FOR ME
AND I PROMISE I WILL BE A STONE-COLD “B.”
[ LAUGHTER ]>>THEN ON NOVEMBER 9th, MAKE
SURE TO CHECK OUT TRUMP TV, YOU’RE GOING TO HATE IT.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!
Uncle, my friend, Shiv,
has cancer, in the 3rd stage. So I’m collecting money today
for his treatment. His chemo is also on.
Show him, Shiv. Son, 3rd stage, right? Only prayers can save him now. Not money. Come on, leave now. Both of you get out of here. -No, Uncle…
-Go, man. Uncle, he can be save… Oh man! I told you say it’s the 1st stage! I thought we’ll get more donation
if I said it was the 3rd stage. Our month end would be sorted. Month End- Is ‘that time of the month’
for us guys. Bachelors go through this
painful cycle every month. Fuck! It’s started. While we crave for money… Hello, Dr. Chaddha? What’s the rate
for Pakistani sperm? There’s a society that doesn’t seem
to understand this problem of ours. Shilpi, what are you saying?! I know it’s the month end for me
but why will I snatch your chain? I love you! I didn’t snatch your chain!
I didn’t do it… It’s being said that because of the ‘DEBT’
virus, people are changing into debt walkers. If we have to believe sources,
these walkers target people who haven’t paid their bills for months together. Which basically are bachelors
who roam around is groups of 4. So if you’re a bachelor, stay safe,
stay hungry, but don’t be foolish
to go outside. You don’t have to explain
the situation man. Mr. Jeetu! There’s a notice from
the electricity board. You’ve not paid the bill
for 3 months. Yeah we’ll pay it, we’ll pay
when we get our salaries. -Mr. Jeetu, this new look suits you…
-Go and do your work. You’re not getting any money.
We’ll pay later. Come on. The electricity will get cut
today itself. Don’t come running to my place
to crash. When will you pay me
for the newspaper? We’ll give it to you, man.
We’re not running away anywhere. -I’ve been hearing this for 4 months.
-Speak properly, man. Come on. Who buys newspapers just
for weed? Give me my 900 bucks! After getting all this stuff
I don’t have money for a shave now. I already bought a Mach 3, it works
for 3 months so there’s expenses. I just have this change left. I think during our month end, we should
eat snake, lizards and roaches like commandos. -There are tons at home.
-People in my village eat dead bodies. I mean, of chickens. What’s this? This looks like an after party, man. We went to buy Maggie
and the society guys partied? If there was a party, I’m sure
there are left overs, right? I’ll go check,
you guys go ahead. The newspaper guy’s cycle is here…
This doesn’t seem like a party. Oh man, what happened to him? What happened to him? Hey,you! Are you high on thinner again? Shit, this is empty, man. They came! They came
to take their money. I told them I’ll give it to them on
the 1st ’cause it’s my month end now. But they, turned into animals! Wild things! They snatched away the money
I had for just 4 cigarettes. -Who are you talking about?
-The tea guy, cigarette guy… They’re coming! No one can be saved!
No one will be saved, you fools! There was nothing, man. Hey, Badri, didn’t you take money
from me for cigarettes the other day? -Yes.
-Give it back! Give me back my money! I’ll get my salary the day after,
take it from me after that. Fuck, what’s this? What’s this? My money… My milk money… I’ll cut all! I’ll cut the WiFi wire… I’ll cut it all off! Hey, what are you doing? Baldy! Give me money
for the barber. Hey! What are you staring at?
Get in fast! -Where are the keys, guys?
-Where are the keys? -I have it.
-Quick, man! -This is a key to the fridge.
-Whose fridge? It might be under the door mat, man. The door mat… Guys, you’re sure
this is your apartment? I told you guys we’ll get
a name plate. But y’all didn’t listen.
Now get aside! Phone a friend, audience poll.
50-50. Hey, they’re all our keys.
Pick any of it! -They’re coming…
-Open it, man! He’s biting me! I got my money for the tea… Our account’s cleared. I saw their bills
for the past 3 months. They were scary. How will we pay back their debt? Why have they come at the end
of the month to ask for money, man? It’s just the 30th today. They could’ve come day after
when we got salaries. They’re all awake. They’re debt walkers
back from the debt. This has never happened before. It’s the first time this has happened
in 17-18 weeks. When your debt fills up
their registers, and when they don’t have money to buy
new registers, that’s when they come. “Take it tomorrow”;
“Don’t you trust me?” “Let my salary come.”
Excuses like that won’t work any more. They are evolved. Who are you and why
are you helping us? Because you guys are going through
a bad time of the month. And I’m the king of bad times. First things first, you’ll have to save
yourselves from the debt walkers. You’ll need weapons for that. No, thanks. If I need weapons, why would
I’ve come from Pakistan to India? I’m not talking ’bout those weapons, you
scrambled piece of egg! I’m talking about these weapons. If you face them… Just show them your debit
and credit cards. If they still don’t settle down,
give them your pin. -ATM pin?
-Fool! Y’all just hide here. If they still break-in, then aim for their heads. -Throw money at their faces.
-That’s exactly what we don’t have. Oh, sorry. This one was my fantasy. Even I don’t have money. Looks like we’ll have to spend the night
at home just like New year’s. That must be the maid,
I’ll tell her to make some Maggie. Miss Shanta! You paid your maid, right? Yeah, Shiv gave it…
You gave it to her, right? Man, there was an ad about gorwing
my hair out, so I paid for it. Sorry, man! Yeah, so make some Maggie.
We’ll have half today and rest tomorrow. Jizzy!
Jizzy stop! Stop him! Jizzy! My salary! No, miss… No! You fools, do something! It’s my last 4 bucks, miss…
Please… Go fast! Go fast! Oh my God!
Fast! Go fast! Go fast! Oh my! Who are these guys? I didn’t take money
from any one at work. Oh fuck!
This was a fuckin’ trap! The office paid us our salaries
which are actually debts. Wait…
Let me handle this. They’re from a government run back. -They’ve come for me.
-Is that why they’re so slow? I’ll never pay them back. Fools! -Oh man! There are more there!
-Oh heck! They’re from a private bank. They’re very fast. I hope there’s petrol in this. Oh shit! Looks like I drank petrol
instead of whisky again! Oh fuck! Seems like I have to spend
the night in the car like the fresher night. No, no, you guys can leave.
They won’t harm you. -What about dinner, man?
-You won’t die if you skip dinner! -Classic mild?
– Oh shit! What do we do about that? I have 78 bucks in my account,
one of you transfer 22 bucks to me. We can withdraw 100 bucks
from the ATM and buy classic milds. -I have zero bucks in my account.
-It’s the same in mine. I can transfer 22 bucks to you guys. ‘Cause I have 25 bucks
in my account. Thanks… I’m doing it.
I’m doing it. All of you, give me your change… Give me all the change, we’ll
sort out dinner with it. Jizzy, how much do you have? I do, I have some with me. Are you okay? Oh my God!
My God! Shit! Did any one you
owe him any money? I took 70 bucks from him. You are fucked bean bag! He’s infected with the DEBT virus. He can come after you any second now
for his money. You will have to leave him behind. As I left my country behind. -Run, run, go!
-This uncle is blabbering… Nothing’s wrong with me. You will have to leave him! -I won’t ask you for money.
-Yeah, Jizzy. Oh fuck! Oh fuck! Don’t leave me alone, guys. Give me my money! He’s turning into one of them.
Go! Go! Run! He’s our Jizzy! Come on! -No triples, man! Just one of you come.
-Why? No, man! -Badri you sit, they’re coming.
-Why Badri? -You can’t move the bike with him!
-What’d you say? -You can’t move with this fatso!
-It’s a powerful Hero engine, okay? I’ll show him the pick up on this.
Badri, sit! Why are you doing this to me, man? You’re fit, you run, dude! Quick! Quick! Quick! It’s not my dad’s pocket
for money to come out instantly! No balance. Why is it just showing me 78 bucks?! Oh fuck! It was the 5th transaction
from another ATM. -So?
-So, they cut 22 bucks! -Take out what’s there!
-Fool! Are there any other cards? Give me another card! Keep your hands away! Get away from my car! It’s working, guys. Looks like we’ll have to spend the night
at the ATM like the demonetisation night. We’ll get salaries day after only.
What do we do tomorrow? We’ll think about that later.
Let’s survive this night first. You hold the door,
you keep giving me the cards. We got our salaries?
Hey wake up! We got salaries! We got our salaries! Wake up! We got our salaries, man. -We got our salaries?
-We got our salaries. How is that possible?
It’s the 31st of November. Hold on… January, February, March… You fool! November has only 30 days! It’s the 1st of the month today! It’s the 1st of the month today! -It’s the 1st of the month today!
-It’s the 1st of the month today! It’s the 1st of the month today!
It’s the 1st of the month today! First let’s fix Jizzy. Transfer 70 bucks to Jizzy. Did you do it? Yes, I did… Now let’s pay these bastards. Open the door… Hey, miss… Use the mineral water in the fridge
to mop the floors. And take the brownies for your kids.
Get the door somebody… -Yes?
-Well… Looks like you got your salary? So give me back my 22 bucks? What are you talking about? The one I transfered to your bank
to complete the 100 bucks in your bank. -The bank guys deducted it.
-What bank? I need my money back! Why are you making an issue
out of this? Come tomorrow. -Come tomorrow, I’ll give it to you.
-Hey don’t behave like Siddharth. Foolish man!