Oh-hoh-hoh-hoah Everybody was Kung Flu Fighting
Those shots were fast as lightning In fact, there were no flu sightings
Cause they fought with expert timing There were funky flu germs in
From influenza town They were chopping them up
They were chopping them down It’s a smart move from the start
And everybody knew their part From flu shots, to other tips
Let’s kick getting sick Everybody was Kung Flu fighting
Those shots were fast as lightning In fact there were no flu sightings
Cause they fought with expert timing Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh, ha
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh, ha Oh-hoh-hoh-hoh-ha
(Keep on, keep on, keep on) Fight The Flu
*64 Bits + Rhythm Heaven intro plays* Male Voice: “Double up!” Female voice: “One two three!” Female voice: “Three, two, one!” Pikmin: “Woo hoo!” Female voice: “One two three!” Female voice: “A, B, C!” Sonic: “Sonic speed!” Pokémon: “Umpf” Sonic: “C’mon!” *Chrom Grunting* *Duck Quacking* *Roy Grunting* Wii Fit Trainer: “One, two, three!” Wii Fit Trainer: “One, two, three!” Wii Fit Trainer: “Okay, it’s on!” Wii Fit Trainer: “It’s up to you!” Male Voice: “Jab!” Male Voice: “Jab!” Male Voice: “Jab!” Male Voice “Jab!” Male Voice: “Nice moves!” *Bell Ringing* x3 *Meta Knight and Bowser Grunting* *Yoshi Noises* Yoshis: “Wow!” *Yoshi Noises* *Ridley Growling (Or something) R.O.B: “Oh yeah!” R.O.B: “Oh yeah!” Ice Climbers: “Yu!” Ice Climbers: “Yah!” Ice Climbers: “Ey!” Ice Climbers: “Taaaa!” *Boing* Ice Climbers: “Yaa!” Ice Climbers: “Eyyy” Ice Climbers: “Yaa!!” Ice Climbers: “Eyyy!” Toad: “Hah! Huh!” Toad: “Woo!” Toad: “Hah! Huh!” Toad: “Woo!” Toad: “Hah! Huh!” x3 Toad: “Woo!” Toad: “Eh?!” Toad: “Ow!” Toad: “Waaaah!!!” Huh? *Slap* x4 Simon: “Vanquish the darkness!” *Slap* x2 Link: “Yaaa!” Ness: “Whaa!” Jigglypuff: Jigglypuff! *Jigglypuff!* *Jigglypuff!* Jigglypuff: Jiggly! *Jiggly!* *Jiggly!* Jigglypuff: Jiggy! *Jiggly!* *Jiggly!* Jigglypuff: *singing* *gasp* Jigglypuff: “Puff!” Announcer: “READY? TAP TAP TAP!” Announcer: “READY? TAP TAP TAP! PERFECT!” Male Singer: Whoa, I’m just a man Male Singer: Missing you, please understand. Ryu: “SHORYUKEN!” *Beep* *Animal Crossing Gibberish* Incinaroar: “Roar!” *More Animal Crossing Gibberish* Incinaroar: “Okay!” Wario: “Hahahahaha!” Bayonetta: “Smashing!” Female Singer: Soon we’ll see we’re Female Singer: Living the dreams of Female Singer: Our Generation Male Voice: “Double up!” Male Voice: “Double up!” Male Voice: “Double up!” Male Voice: “Double up!” Male Voice: “Double up!” Waluigi: “Waanderful!” Hi! Our names are Neil and Ryan for 64 bits. If you liked this video, make sure to like, share and subscribe. We spent the last 3 months working on this video and we put a lot of love in it. That said, on average, we make about next to nothing per video with just YouTube ads. That’s enough to buy these puppets! Thankfully the algorithm works perfectly for us animators. *Boat horn* So if you REALLY like this video consider supporting us with a YouTube Channel Membership! Or becoming a Patron! By supporting us, you’ll get CRAZY perks, Like these channel emoticons, behind the scenes goodies, and your name will be featured in our videos, Like right here down below! With your help, we’ll be one step closer to making this our full time job! Adios! Uh, Thank you! Thank you!
[jazzy standard music] – ♪ WOULD YOU
LOOK AT THE TIME? ♪ – ♪ YOU SHOULD JUST
STAY HERE TONIGHT ♪ – ♪ I’VE HAD TOO MUCH WINE ♪ – ♪ YOU WILL LEAVE
AT FIRST LIGHT ♪ – ♪ IT ISN’T THAT FAR ♪ – ♪ BABY,
JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE ♪ – ♪ BACK TO MY PLACE ♪ – ♪ YOU CAN’T ESCAPE
FROM MY EMBRACE ♪ – ♪ I REALLY
HAD A VERY NICE TIME ♪ – ♪ LET ME JUST
REFILL THAT WINE ♪ – ♪ BUT I REALLY NEED TO
JUST SAY GOOD-BYE ♪ – ♪ I WOULD LOVE
TO SEE YOU TRY ♪ – ♪ PLEASE UNLOCK
THIS DOOR ♪ – ♪ IT’S LOCKED
FROM THE OUTSIDE ♪ ♪ BABE, YOU’RE MINE TONIGHT ♪
– ♪ I CANNOT STAY TONIGHT ♪ ♪ LOOK, I REALLY HAVE TO GO ♪ – ♪ NO, YOU REALLY
HAVE TO STAY ♪ – ♪ HEY, “NO” MEANS NO ♪ – ♪ THAT IS WHAT
THEY ALL SAY ♪ – ♪ YOU’RE HURTING MY ARM ♪ – ♪ I WON’T CAUSE YOU
ANY HARM ♪ – ♪ LET GO OF ME ♪ – ♪ WE CAN MAKE THIS HARD
OR JUST EASY ♪ – ♪ A WOMAN ALWAYS
COMES PREPARED ♪ – ♪ OOH, I’M REALLY SCARED ♪ – ♪ I SAID THIS IS
NOT WHAT I WANT ♪ – ♪ WHY YOU HAVE TO
BE SUCH A– ♪ – ♪ I KNOW SELF-DEFENSE ♪ – ♪ I DARE YOU TO TRY IT ♪ – ♪ I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT ♪ – ♪ BITCH,
YOU ARE MINE TONIGHT ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ PLEASE,
JUST PLEASE GO AWAY ♪ – ♪ I THOUGHT THAT YOU
WANTED ME TO STAY ♪ – ♪ WELL–WELL,
I JUST CHANGED MY MIND ♪ – ♪ THINK I’LL JUST
STAY AND UNWIND ♪ – ♪ HOW DID THIS ALL SWITCH? ♪ – ♪ NOW YOU ARE… ♪ ♪ MY… ♪ ♪ BITCH ♪ – ♪ PLEASE JUST
BE KIND TONIGHT! ♪ – ♪ NOW YOU’RE MINE… ♪ ♪ TO… ♪ ♪ NIGHT ♪
Hi guys…I think I’m dying *blows nose loudly and then repeated in slow motion* I’ve got a cold. Well it’s actually more than a cold This is some serious MAN FLU Sirius And I’ve been in bed all day feeling sorry for myself then I thought “Why not make a video?” As the MOTH MAN! No, haha I don’t know, I don’t even what this video’s going to be about Just don’t come too close to the screen as you might catch something *sniffs* Maybe I should do the illness dance *exciting illness dance music* But yeah, a couple of things I need while I’m ill This gigantic hoodie to make me look like a elf About 800 mugs of tea and coffee And an entire day feeling sorry for myself in bed watching DVDs and refreshing Tumblr That’s actually not that different to yesterday, but, shhhh *cough/gags* Also last night I watched “Taken” with Liam Neeson but then I kept slipping into these weird hallucination dreams of Liam Neeson abducting my Lemsip And then he turned into ‘Lemon Neeson’ *unacceptable* And then I woke up shivering and had to pee TMI Another weird dream involved me presenting this children’s TV show with Sweep from ‘Suttie and Sweep’ Do you remember Sweep? *in high voice* Sweep! And yeah, at the end of the show I was like ‘Thanks for coming to the show Sweep!’ And then I lifted him up to reveal these horrific robotic wires coming from his insides So then all the children started screaming and were like *in horrified/surprised voice* SWEEP!! WHYYYY I don’t, I don’t even wanna know I also got this ultra-chloraseptic anesthetic throat spray which numbs fast So, I thought I would use it now *spray sound followed by coughing* Ow! That’s burning! That’s not numbing! Ooh! Apparently it has a possible side effect of Methemoglobinemia I wonder what that does to you… Symptoms of Methemoglobinemia include development delay, failure to thrive, mental retardation and seizures Complications involve shock, seizures, and death *yayyyy!!!* Okay, I’m kinda regretting using that now *spray thing drops and Phil dies :(* Just kidding Although I can’t be bothered getting up now Is anyone else sick at the moment? What do you do to make yourself feel better. Let me knowww Another thing I wanted to tell you is that we had a mouse in the house! *singing* House mouse! Dan saw it first after playing 12 hours solid of Guild Wars 2 Yea, he wasn’t sure if he actually saw a real mouse or was hallucinating some tiny Guild Wars monster But then our Irish friend Adam was staying over And at about 3 o’clock in the morning I heard him scream *in a Irish accent* O my god it’s a mause! I love how Irish people say mouse. *in Irish accent* Mouse! So, I bought this humane mouse trap. I ain’t killing no mouse And, yeah, they walk up this seesaw and then get trapped in there and I filled it with Kinder eggs so they would have something to eat So yeah, we went to Manchester for the weekend, and when we got back there was an actual mouse in the trap It was SO cute, it looked like this *meep meep* I kinda wanted to keep him but Wikipedia was like HE WILL DISEASE YOUR FACE So, I decided to release him into the wild So I put him in a tea container and took him outside and was like ‘Be free mouse!’ And then his little face looked up at me and said ‘Thank you Phillip’ And then he skuttled into the distance I will never forget I also wanted to tell you I had a strange experience with a one-eyed man yesterday I got to the ticket gate at the Tube and I was being a usual Phil fail and lost my Oyster card So I was like ‘Where is it? Where is it??’ And then I realized that this guy was behind me and so I was like ‘Oh sorry!’ When he said… *rough voice* Why did you say sorry boy *normal Phil voice* Um, because I got in your way? *rough voice again* Never be too polite, BOY or people will take advantage of you *Phil again* Oh my god, please, don’t take advantage of me Then he punched me in the arm! Like, pretty hard! Mm hmm! *in slow motion* Mm hmm! Ow! *rough guy voice is back* I’ll kick the barrier for you down if you want, BOY …help… *running away music* So yeah, just as many crazies in London as there as in Manchester *whoop!* Also, if you haven’t seen yet, I do a weekly live show on YouNow, and I’m doing another Totoro giveaway If you want to win one of these babies all you need to do is click the link below, sign in with Facebook, and click ‘Become a fan’ of my YouNow And then you’ll be able chat to me when I go live and you’ll be notified of any secret shows If you’re already a fan then you’ll still be included and I’ll be announcing the winner on my Twitter next week *whoop boop boop!* Today’s Draw Phil Naked is…. *cool Draw Phil Naked music* Anyway, I’m gonna go, I’ll be back soon with a proper video when I’m hopefully less dead Please thumbs up if you’ve enjoyed this more relaxed, vloggy style video and I’ll make more in the future And I will see you guys very soon Bye guys 🙂 *ughh* *door swings open* Dan: RAWWRRR!! P: Aah! D: Bye guyssss *Dan makes weird noises* *end screen music* *in that rough guy voice* I’ll kick the barrier for you do- I’ll kick th- *normal voice* Damn it! I’ll kick the b- Agh! I’ll kick the barrier for you b- Nooooo
[Uproarious singing and dancing as an unseen crowd goes wild] 37 seconds earlier… Hey, do you want to go to that thing at Vanessa’s? Eh, it’s pretty cold, let’s just stay in Oh, you’re right. It’s officially time to be sad for the next 6 months. When the temperature drops, don’t hate! Who are you? It’s a reason to celebrate! Oh, you know that Christmas is coming round when It’s cold as hell And you know that Santa’s coming to town
When it starts to get cold as hell Ooh we’re freezing our asses off
Around the nation At least there’s one big consolation We’re about to smother each other with gifts though that don’t change that it’s cold as shit You know you’re bout to see
friends and family when It’s cold as hell And you gained ten pounds on pie and candy when It starts to get cold as hell Oh we’re freezing our asses off around the world All the cold-ass boys and the hypothermic girls Get ready for a hundred renditions of Jingle Bells When it’s COLD AS HELL Oh, so long ago when I was an itty bitty baby the slightest hint of chill made moan and groan so awful crazy (sorry mother) But now as I toil away on a frigid day scraping the car off, it ain’t so bad no I don’t mind a bit won’t quit cuz there’s a light at the end of the
tunnel as I’m freezing my balls off as I’m freezing my balls offfffff you know they’re selling out of things you don’t need when It’s COLD AS HELL And there’s a genocide of all the pine trees when it starts to get cold as hell We’re freezing our asses off around the nation at least there’s one big consolation we’re about to smother each other with gifts but that don’t change that it’s cold
as shit You know that Frosty’s coming to life when it’s COLD AS HELL and someone’s gonna die outside of Best Buy when it starts to get cold as helllll Oh, we’re freezin our asses off around the world All the cold-ass boys and the hypothermic girls Get ready for a hundred renditions of
Jingle Bells When it’s COLD as HELLLLLLLLL Put on your gloves
Put on your hat Go get your coat, snatch it off the coat rack Ooh if you forget, you’ll be in deep shit ‘Cause it’s cold as hell! 3! 4!
Put on your gloves
Put on your hat Go get your coat
Snatch it off the coat rack Ooh if you forget, you’ll be in deep shit ‘Cause it’s cold as hell! 1 2 3 4!
Put on your gloves! Put on your hat!
Go get your coat, snatch it off the coat rack! Ooh if you forget, you’ll be in deep shit
‘Cause it’s cold as hell! 1 2 3 4! Schmoyoho! Accent on the HO HO HO. that song cold as hell is
from our new album sleigh ride fireside it’s on every platform: the Googles, the
Spotify, the Apples, the Schpeedles, the Schporkles Even physical copies that your grandmom likes we’ll put a link right here next
to this potato and as always, Have a great holiday and a great life
whatever that means to you …We hope you watch Home Alone a hundred times…
So here’s the plan. The maid comes in exactly at 9:00
in the morning, she rings the bell at 9:20 and enters
the house with the duplicate key at 9:25. I gave it to her,
so we don’t have to wake up. Why does she ring the bell then? -Point, we’ll discuss this tomorrow.
-Let’s do it. So the maid enters at 9:25
and leaves at 9:55. So basically in half an hour, she cooks, steals our cutlery and plays
PS for 20 minutes before she leaves. So it’s obvious that the food
will taste like crap. Which is why,
we need to do this tomorrow. Who’s going to do this? The one who’s got guts. It’s decided then… -I’m out.
-I’m also out. I’m also out. Okay then… I’ll do it. You can lead, right? I hope you know what you have to say. Yes, that… We get really bland food. What’d you say? Bland food? I cook daily at a deaf
and mute hospital. No one tells me anything like this
there. Probably ’cause they’re deaf and … If this is such a problem,
then y’all better look for someone else. I’m not coming from tomorrow. Listen, the Maggie was really good… The Maggie was good… What he was trying to say was that
we get bland food and we like it. -Yes, he was complimenting it so much.
-Yeah it’s my favorite! And what’s so great, every one is eating
good food these days. You spoilt our poor maid’s mood. Why don’t you go play some FIFA? Do y’all have FIFA ’18? Go, get the ’18 CD for her.
Go! -Money for it?
-I’ll pay for it. Move aside, let her go in. You couldn’t do it today also?
Aunt’s coming home tomorrow… Mom, we can order something
just for today. Do you have a maid just
to steal your stuff? Eat home cooked meals,
it’s healthy. Mom, how is Auntie doing? There you go, it’s been 8 months
since your aunt was murdered. That’s why I tell you to come home
a little more often. Pass me the dal (lentil soup). What are you looking for?
It’s infront of you, pass it. Is this dal? I thought it was the finger bowl. Pass it here. -Mom, here have some roti.
-No, thanks. I’m done. Mom? Do you have a problem
in tempering the dal? Are you the fatso’s mom? That explains a few things. If you have a problem with it,
why don’t you teach me to temper it? I would’ve taught you right now
if there was another wok. To temper the dal. Your tempered dal does taste good indeed. You taught a lesson to this society’s
best cook. Don’t be disheartened. You learnt something from the fatso’s mom. You don’t have to come back here. Come on now, leave. Leave! This is my sister. Badrakaleshwar aka Badri’s mom. And this is me, Badri’s uncle, aka
uncle… When the fire of feminism spread
in Haryana, my sis quit cooking. But Badri didn’t quit eating like a hog. Which is why my sis
had to get back into the kitchen. -Did you find someone?
-No, sis. It’s been 17 years and I still
haven’t found someone. -I don’t think I’ll get one now.
-I was talking about the maid! -Didn’t you go looking for one?
-No, I didn’t get that either. I did find one, but the minute she heard of Badri’s diet,
she fled. Go on, give this to the boys. Sis… There are elections in our village
in 10 days. Who’s going to cook for them
after you leave? You made a mistake in firing the maid. No, I mean Badri said that.
Badri! What happened? -Put your hands down…
-Hey! What’s going on? Auntie, they came to our place to get some
rolling paper… I mean newspaper, but the minute I went to loo for just
2 minutes, they swiped my all my Maggie! -I saw an egg, so I put that in as well.
-An egg? Auntie, they emptied the entire crate. Does anyone do this? Here you go,
the money for the eggs. Come on, leave now. Come here. -Mom, I’m sorry, I won’t repeat it.
-That’s okay. First tell me, how you made it. It’s not a big deal to make a fool
out of someone, mom. As soon as he went to the loo,
I went to the kitchen… How did you make the Maggie? Oh the Maggie? That’s not a big deal either, mom. First, I heated up the water, then I added in the Maggie
and then the spices… Then I put the eggs in
and whisked it all together like crazy! And we broke some on his head. It turned into an omlette
on his head. What are you saying, sis? You’re going to make
the boys cook? Why can’t they do it? You think my boys are worse
than that maid? Play that song you’ve been listening to. Play it, man. Auntie? Here’s my phone, order as much
take out as you want to. But we just ate, mom. Eat more. Neither will anyone
order in from tomorrow nor will there be a cook in this house. Why, mom? ‘Cause y’all will cook your food
yourselves from tomorrow. Here’s the list of vegetables. Go get tomorrow morning
as soon as the market opens. Jeetu, don’t pay
for the coriander and chillies. Why’d you have to make their Maggie? You were the one who was hungry
after smoking up. -What’s this?
-That’s ‘Garam Masala’ (movie), mom. It was on the list. -Whose is this?
-That’s mine. Y’all did learn to make some vegetable. Now, the most difficult task is to make rotis(Indian flat bread). And a real roti, is not like this, but looks like this. I can make a round roti
with a CD. That’s not how it’s done. You have to roll it out with a roller. You have to roll it out
and make it fluffy. Now, come on in, one by one. These boys did start making food
that was worth looking at. But there was no one to check if it
was good enough to eat. Come on, eat it. No, sis. No. Please don’t feed me this food, I promise
I’ll pass the 8th grade this year. I even learnt the 13th table. 13 into 1 is equal to 13.
13 into 2 is equal to 33. I’ll give you a tight slap now!
Eat up now. Was it wrong again? Mom, please don’t cut my hair…
I can’t make fun of the baldy. Quiet! Mom, I just spoke to a girl yesterday. She doesn’t even know
I’m cute. Please don’t cut my hair. -Can you impress her?
-No. Chop it off. Now you. Kesh(Sikh tradition).
Thank you, God! Kesh, Kesh is important. Sorry, Badri.
There was just one. My hair may fall,
but won’t get out of this. -I haven’t dried clothes today.
-Look at that. Cooking food has turned
him into one. Come peel our vegetables for us too. -Get lost!
-Let it go, Badri! Let it go, Badri. We’ve not learnt to do that yet. Man, when is your mom
going to leave? I was going to cut off my stuff
thinking it was an okra! We’ve cut enough
of vegetables. It’s time for some Zomato now. -I’m really hungry, uncle.
-Me too. Why don’t you just order
more pizzas. You’re right, uncle. And listen, get all those things
this time. Meat balls, pepperoni, cheese… Get all the toppings. Looks like you’re in love with it! Done! Done? It’s here so soon? Your city has a quick service. We get stuff after 2 days
in our village. Sis… I thought it was bread. We just ordered some pizza, man. It’s not like we called a stripper. For her to make such a scene. Exactly. Which mother makes her 24 year old
promising son cook? Makes her 24 year old cook? At least your mother is teaching
you to cook. Look at us! We’re shrinking with Nusrat’s stash
and the maid’s food. You know this, man. We can only order from out
till the 8th of the month. And his is till the 12th. ‘Cause he’s my boss. In these circumstances, if your
Goddess of a mother teaches you to cook,
what’s wrong with it? The girls are smiling,
I’m getting famous, bro. They’re looking at my tail lights
and smiling, not at you. Mom, I made this for you to eat
on the way. Well, what else was left. After we left, Badri took his big steps
towards international cuisine. And you may not be able to speak
English when you go international, but you sure get an accent. “The food will taste good
if it looks good.” What are you watching? Jeetu, I was just making some dal. I think I’ll garnish it with
some coriander, to look sexy. If you had to add some coriander powder
it would’ve tasted better as well. I don’t know what you keep watching. “Forget your mom’s old ways.” “Do what I tell you to do.” Wow, red beans? Baked la beans… What? Add some chilli in it. Will the gravy look good on a pink plate
if the gravy is red? Duh, Jizzy. For my insta followers. Look at this, sis. He didn’t even # you. And look at what he’s written. ‘Thank you, Gordon Ramsay.’ He seems to be a very famous chef. Chef? A cook. Shall I like it? -Hello, mom. Hello, uncle.
-Hello. How are you doing? How’s the cooking going? It’s going great, mom.
I made creme brulee today. Creme brelee? Is it a dish from UP? No, mom.
It’s international. I’ll teach you the next time you’re here. Oh and yes, all my insta followers
are coming over next week. -And along with them…
-You grew your hair out? That’s okay. You go make your international dish,
or whatever it is. Go ahead… Creme brelee… Shiv? Jizzy?
Come on, guys! Work faster! My insta followers
will be here at 7:00 pm! Jeetu! What are you doing, man? You had to mash the onions
not chop them. What? Mash! But this what your mom showed me. Forget about mom’s old techniques. Do what I tell you. What’s wrong with my technique? -Mom?
-What’s wrong? Mom, it’s not wrong.
But the food just looks more photogenic. Let me see. I want to know what the internet could
teach you that you mom couldn’t. Is this what you’ll feed your friends? -Not friends, mom, followers, 35 of them.
-Shut up! I can’t make out the flavour
of chilli or bay leaves! Your uncle makes better
cereal than this! Thank you, sis. Mom! -The gravy wasn’t ready yet.
-So get it ready now. “Add in black pepper.” “Stir it in slowly.” “It’ll blend in by itself.” “Now add some salt.” “Not according to your taste,
just 10 gms.” “The most important part now is…” “Now add in…” Jeetu, I’ve run out of data… Please give me your phone. Jizzy, Jeetu, please… Please, man. My data’s over, please
give me your phone. Jeetu! Shiv… Shiv, you steal the WiFi, right?
Please tell me the password. All my fans will unfollow me, man.
Please! Uncle, please give me your phone. They’ll unfollow me, please. “When the onions are cooked
and turn red.” “Add in the crushed tomatoes
after that.” “Be careful that the tomatoes” “are completely blended in.” “Now slowly stir them
all in together.” “Now let it rest for a bit.” “For the tomatoes to perfectly
mix in with the spcies.” -It’s reallly tasty!
-Is it? My sis makes the best food! Mom… It’s great! Mom… Forgive me, please. Jio gave me 10gb of data for free
so I wandered away. I’m your mom. You think I’d let my son be insulted
infront of his insta followers? Come here! No, don’t cry… -You made such good food, right?
-It’s great, man. Don’t cry. And finally… Sis spoke the golden words that the bachelors
were yearning to hear. Let’s eat out today? -Really, Auntie?
-What are you saying, sis? Eat out!
-Let’s get to the news. During an interview yesterday, President Trump asked his
chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney, to leave the room, after Mulvaney coughed
while he was speaking. Which is weird, but at least
it explains why Melania started smoking
unfiltered Pall Malls. [ Laughter ] President Trump
announced plans this week to help people
who leave prison find jobs, as opposed
to his current program where he gives people jobs,
and then they go to prison. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] The Supreme Court
is expected to hand down rulings on up to 24 cases in the coming
days before their summer break. Also getting 24 cases before
summer break, Brett Kavanaugh. [ Laughter and applause ] The DNC has announced the lineup for next week’s
presidential primary debate with Elizabeth Warren,
Cory Booker, Amy Klobuchar, Beto O’Rourke,
and Bill de Blasio facing off against…
all of your friends’ dads? [ Laughter and applause ] Hi. Presidential hopeful
Pete Buttigieg said in a new interview
that he is almost certain that America has already
had presidents who were gay. And I’m not saying he’s right,
but when he said it, the presidential portrait of
James Buchanan somehow winked. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] A nationwide recall
has been announced for Ragu pasta sauce
due to the possibility that it contains
plastic fragments. Said Ragu, “Shh! That’s
a-Nana’s secret ingredient!” [ Laughter ] “Just a little bit of plastic.” [ Laughter ] O.J. Simpson
joined Twitter this weekend. And I know —
I know this is the wrong take, but he looks terrific.
[ Laughter ] I mean, dude’s 71.
What’s your secret? I mean, your other secret.
[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Your other one. Lawmakers in New York State have
reportedly resumed negotiations on a stalled bill to legalize
recreational use of marijuana. I guess if everybody’s high, at
least the trains will seem fast. [ Laughter, cheers, applause ] MasterCard has announced that
it will now allow transgender people to use their
chosen name on credit cards instead of the name found
on their official forms of I.D. And Discover Card announced that you can now use their card
at several places. [ Laughter and applause ] According to reports — [ Laughter ] According to reports,
Britain’s Prince Philip discouraged his grandson,
Prince Harry, from marrying actress
Meghan Markle, saying, “One steps out with actresses,
one doesn’t marry them.” Responded Harry, “Stop sign.
Stop sign! Stop sign!” [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] I want credit for putting
the passenger seat on the right side of the road
for an English driver. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] I think it probably
would’ve played better, but everybody was sort of in awe of the amount that I put work
into the — you know. [ Laughter ] They were like, “Stop laughing.
I’m watching him get it right.” [ Laughter ] “I can’t hear his object work.” [ Laughter ] And fi–
[ Laughs ] The amount we talked about that.
And finally — And finally, the fruit company
Driscoll’s has announced it will begin selling
raspberries and strawberries meant to taste like rosé. while Franzia is still trying
to make a wine that does that. [ Laughter and applause ]
Voiceover: J R H N D R Ethan: I need more lube dude Voiceover: Just the right height and your bucket isn’t there (Ethan Coughing Loudly) (Ethan: Coughing) Man: Did you get that mammal? (Lady: Shakes head) Yeah Ethan: Shawn, get my enema bucket dude!!! Background Man: Oh yeah, yeah. That was my favorite mammal ever. BWAAAAA (Chuckles) Man: Stand a pretty woman and a pretty mare, I’ll take the mare Coughs ‘N Flops Hi Everybody, this is Ethan from H3H3 Productions on the behalf of Expert Village Hey this is Ethan Klein from… Ethan: Peep a cute girl like this Ethan: And if you can see that she’s looking at you back through the- -colander, then you know she’s interested and then you should go on for the ether rag to the face- -and drag her home to your rape dungeon Ethan: Now on Expert Village, I mean it’s like Disney Land- -on YouTube (Chuckles) Ethan: Have you ever found a YouTube channel so great that you wanted to tell the whole world about it? Ethan: Well I have (Breaking Noise) Check it out, I’ll even, I learnt (Gibberish) (Screeches) (Coughs) Ethan: Woooh (Screeches) (Screeches) (Coughs) (More noises) (Coughing and Slurping) (More Noises) (Satan’s Screech) (Coughing) (Chuckles) Ethan: Experts for these Expert, uh… , Cringe Village, uh, videos Ethan: Damn it, SHAUN Ethan: It’s Just gonna get worst from here (Scratching) Ethan: Uhh, why am I itching my face so hard, dude, I shouldn’t do this while i’m talk- doing this bit (Sigh) (Man talks in the background while Ethan sings) Man: Do mares have orgasms? Yes they do. They’re called Maregasms. And when a mare orgasms. Um. Ethan: You see this soul patch, you see this white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white, white face Ethan: I don’t know why that matters that he’s white but if find it a little bit amusing Ethan: My Dad has a soul patch Ethan: Full disclaimer on that Man: At that moment of … orgasm. (Man talking in the background): For lack of a better word. The two souls actually merge . Ethan: So beautiful dude, so mystical Man: -It’s….humbling. Ethan: It’s humbling Ethan: Woo, you jealous, where’s my bucket? Ethan: Left my bucket at home boi Ethan: You jealous? ( Blalalalalala) Ethan: Yeahhhh duuude. Gimme some horse cock (slurping noises) (slurping noises continue) No fucking bucket. Ethan: Leave your buckets at home bois. Ethan: Hila, have you ever had a maregasm? Ethan: You ever maregasm gurl? Ethan: This is- this is one of my favorite Ethan: flirting techniques I drink at the bar, and I go, “Oh yeah- Oh that’s a really interesting story- That’s a really interesting story, Excuse me one moment.” (Slurping) (deep gulp) “Please continue.” Ethan: Mares do orgasm, okay? I’m si- I’m sick of people trying to ask me (BLAH)(BLNLBLBLB) Whhhoooo I’m loving these E- Expert pan- Experts Village Experts, Pimp Experts (Sips loudly)
Hila: Ex- Expert Village… Ethan: AHH. What? Hila: I just– corrected you Ethan: Don’t ever do that again, Hila Ethan: SHAUN, mares do orgasm, I just heard it here Ethan: Yeah they do, the mares do have orgasms Ethan: Hold on, I’ll tell you what they’re called Ethan: I don’t know, he didn’t say it yet Man: They’re called mare-gasms Ethan: They’re called mare-gasms, dude Ethan: Then Patrice comes out, fuckin’ drugs everyone. The end. Rape dungeon. Patrice, Great lighting. Rape dungeon. The end. Ethan: If you guys out there who are single and looking for love and thinkin’, “You know what? I don’t know if-” Oh, fuck my shithole. Oh, fuck.
Hila: What? Ethan: All I’m sayin’ is that, yeah, dude, I might climb up on that bucket. If someone put a head up- gun up to my head and said, “You gotta fuck one or the other-” I know that’s comin’ out wrong, okay, and I’m sayin’ that I’m interested in fucking animals or something. That’s not the case. It’s about her. It’s not about the horse. You know what I mean? Ethan: -reporting a, uh, I’ve just- yeah, rape, serial rape- Yeah, we just saw a video on YouTube Hey, ah, I’ve just realized this is the same act we did in the first one, in the beginning And, that’s okay, it’s still funny. Uh-huh; Ethan- Ethan: Am I homeless, you know? Am I homeless or do I just not care? Perfect example of great eye te- eye- bleh. ULB, BLPPLPPLPPLP -eat eye contact. I mean, compared to my previous- PPLP Ethan: Don’t forget to pick up the Chinese food, okay? Especially wonton soup and um, don’t forget the, uh, super-red sweet sauce that is a metaphor for the blood of a young girl’s vagina who was raped- that’s really dark. And gross. But do it anyway, okay? Ethan: Mare-riage counseling, “mare.” Heh PFFF Heh. Not that good. Tone it down a little bit, and that- “That way you-”
Ethan: Heh. I’m done. Heh. PLCKHHH. Horrible. This isn’t funny. That’s not funny. You wanna keep rolling? You wanna just keep rolling or you want me to stop? *Green Hill Zone (Special Ethan mix)* Ethan: If you’re looking for more h3h3 content, I recommend clicking the video there right in the middle so we can take you to our second channel, to our video blog, and hey, I think it’s pretty entertaining, I think you guys are gonna have a lot of fun there. Do you have anything you want to add, Hila? Hila: Nothing. Ethan: An unoriginal [horn] *hew hew* Productions…