‘Bro, need to talk. Urgent.’ ‘Don’t you know what urgent means?
Asshole?’ Oh man! Why’d you do this? Dad, what difference does it make
if I married a ‘Vaishya'(Indian Cast)? Didn’t you do anything close
when you were young? -I was…
-You’ll say you worked hard in your youth. And I’ll say, “so?” ! -But, you…
-Because you’re a very boring person! Now you’ll say, “Shut up”! -What’s he…
-“I’m your father”! And I’ll say, “Hey”! No one becomes a father ’cause he
brought you into this world. -You’ll have to fulfill it.
-Rahul, what are you doing?! What am I doing? Your line was just, “What difference
does it make if I got married?” That’s it! Let him do his lines. He wasn’t saying anything. When did you let me speak? Guys! Let’s do another take?
Okay, sir? Rahul, let him do his lines this time. -Okay?
-Okay. -Order please…
-Ready? Action! Why’d you do this? What difference does it make
if I married a ‘Vaishya'(Indian Cast)? Didn’t you do anything close
when you were young? Now you’ll say… Go on. You only say my lines. But it’s your line right? -But you’re the one’s that talking.
-I’m the casting director What’s this?
Is this how you give a cue? Listen, why do you call
such amateur actors? Excuse me, uncle in character! Actors are the ones who play
uncles and cops. Stars express themselves. They show versatility. They sing and dance… They save a heroine from getting raped. I’m talking about acting you ass! -You called me an ass?
-I called you for what you are! You called me an ass? -Absolutely!
-Guys, please… Shall I show what I can do
in 10 seconds? Anger and rage! Now see what I show you! Guys, stop it! Guys, stop it!
Shut up! Stop it! You’re right in what you told him. You told me to shut up? -Yeah.
-No… -To me?!
-No… No, sir. Actually, he… How dare you! -No, sir. I was telling him…
-No, no, no… No, no. You don’t have to say anything. I don’t want to work
with such stupid people. -Sir, sorry. I…
-Nut… Get lost… You did the right thing. Are you a fool? If this continues, only you’ll be coming
here to audition. So that’s okay. Get out!
I’ll see you at home. Go! Get out! You dare step into my house! There’s an audition tomorrow. How many ‘rotis'(Indian flat bread)
will you have? -Four!
-Okay! Hello! Listen, I can’t you hear. I’m
putting you on speaker. Yeah, bro. Who are you screwing? Hello! Listen, I’ll call you back! -I can’t hear you!
-I’m just asking you… -Something’s wrong with the phone.
-Who are you screwing? You’re screwing… Fuck it. Are you going to meet your chic? Yes, I’m going to see my mother! It’s my uncle’s death anniversary so… Yeah, man! I took all the cream
to give to the poor. I’ll call you later. Listen to me.
You just buy climax. It’s a crazy thing!
You’ll last all night! Who is this?
What are you saying about my mom?! When did I say ‘mummy’? You shut up! You’re talking crap
about my mother! Shut up! Shut up! This is ridiculous. Do you also get such calls? You stay away from me! Listen, you’re misunderstanding me.
I’ve not done anything you heard. I know Krav Maga! Krav Maga? Oh man! Hello? Hello! Why aren’t you talking now?! -Hi!
-Auntie, is Janet home? Absolutely! She’s standing in front of you. You? Hi. Come in. It’s a lovely place that you have here. -Not like that.
-Cheers! Nah, learn to smell it. Before you taste it. Okay. It’s 1972? -No! No…
-What? Yeah, it’s not. By the way, your picture on Tinder… Don’t you look younger in that? Well you also looked quite Macho
in your Tinder picture. Good Photoshop I guess. Let’s not waste any time, Maddy. I’ll be right back. Waiting… Hello! Shoot him as soon as he says,
“It’s huuuge!”. Mr. Gaitonde, man! She’s a stupid woman!
An actor has no respect in this country! If an actor’s flowing, let him go, right? What do mean he didn’t say,
“Its huuuge!”? He must’ve opened his mouth,
you should’ve shot him! I’m from Anupam Kher’s acting school, man.
I need some respect… I just took a printout you motherfu… Fuckin’ hung up, man! It’s okay, man.
It’s not a great day for us. Found your dad today? This is damn confusing, bro! KGB, WikiLeaks, CIA. What do you mean? Look at this. According to KGB, dad was seen in Moscow
in KFC enjoying his favorite bucket. Look at this WikiLeaks article. “Indian drug lord found in a brothel
in bratislava.” And then this CIA report, apparently they claim, he was at this
crazy party Uncle Pablo’s son threw. Uncle Pablo? Uncle Pablo. -Who is Uncle Pablo?
-Escobar? Haven’t you watched Narcos? You watch your crappy
Indian sitcom. -Oh fuck, man! She’s turned into a fly!
-Oh fuck, I don’t give a shit! -Have you spoken to Madhav?
-No. Let’s leave him alone today. No way! Let’s send him some dick pics, bro. Your camera’s great, right? What’s this? Let it last all night. I’m not in the mood to sleep
tonight. Nor am I. Nor am I. Who’s this? -Hey!
-Don’t be afraid. -I’m not going to do anything.
-Don’t you dare try anything! Baby, you scared Maddy. Baby? Son, you continue.
Today I just want to watch. That’s it. What do mean’Today I
just want to watch’? -What’s happening here?
-Maddy! Maddy, listen to me, okay? Forget that he’s even here
for a second. It’s just you and me… How can I forgot this big fat man staring
at me! You stop staring! Look, son. It’s just a little while.
I’ll sit right here, okay? Okay? Don’t worry, I’ll not disturb you. I’ll set myself ablaze here!
What are y’all doing?! I’ll burn myself! -Maddy…
-I’ll burn myself! Don’t touch me, please. -Maddy, just relax, okay?
-Just let me go home you two… Just relax… Son, I’m like your father.
Why are shy then? Which father does this
to his son? -Tell me.
-Maddy. I want you.
I need you. You’ve been dreaming of this Maddy. -Yes you do.
-What are you doing? What are you two doing?
Don’t do this… -Don’t this to me…
-Maddy you want this! I don’t want to lose
my virginity like this! What? You’re a virgin? -You got home a virgin?
-You’re a what?! A virgin? Are you from IIT? Mechanical. -Oh…
-Oh God! Can I go? -Hi.
-You again? Look at what happened to me. -You’re following me, aren’t you?
-No, it’s not like that… This is a cheat code. Any one can score with Ronaldo. Bro, you know my Grandma
got beaten? She did? Where is she? Even she’ll beat you at FIFA.
Play properly, man. -Come on now.
-I’m closing my eyes and playing. What are you doing?
Fooga? Fooga? I scored a goal. Are the batteries low
on this, bro? Your brain cells are weak. -Come to make me feel worse.
-Play, play. -Very good.
-Rahul. Rahul! -Asshole!
-What is it? Fix your acting
or I’ll turn your ass orange. -What’s that?
-She means orange. I’ll learn in a bit. You move. Why should I move?
You move! Move aside, Richa. -Move!
-Move away! Crazy woman! Rahul, I’m serious! Fix your acting
or you’ll turn out like your dad. -Excuse me?
-What is it? -What’s the chic’s name?
-Richa. Richa! You don’t seem transparent to me. -Move aside.
-Get lost! What’s there to eat? Here, cut your tongue and eat it. Oh man! What’s up Madhav? Bro, you up for a game?
This Rahul plays like shit. I’m sitting right here, man. You could’ve secretly told him. Play. What’s wrong with you? Bro, did your dad pass away? Didn’t you go on a date? How was it? Oh yeah! He was on a date.
What happened? Had fun? How was it?
Did you finally pop your cherry? -What happened?
-Did you get laid, Madhav? -Tell us what happened!
-Did you get laid? I black buffalo came in between!
Happy? Did she take you to a farm, bro? I’ve been there, bro. Black, fat uncle. Half bald, thin moustache? -With a black shit on his chest?
-Mole! A mole? -He had a mole!
-How was it? -Are you nuts?
-Screw all this, let’s play a game. I don’t feel like it. Madhav. You can’t run away from your destiny,
Madhav! Come here, man! My player’s running in circles, man Fooga! Pass it man! -Pass, pass.
-Asshole! If you don’t know to play,
don’t come up my ass! Bro, you’ve not scored a goal
since FIFA ’14. Bro, I was on a sabbatical. Sabbatical from what?
Playing well? Who’s come so late? -Did you order food?
-No. The black fat uncle must’ve come,
to ask for a refund. Fuck you! Who the fuck is… Oh I forgot to tell you guys, my cousin’s
coming to stay with us for a month. -Hold on a second.
-Cousin? For a month? There are more of you? That’s why I was texting you
the whole day, bro. -Now I hope it’s not a new problem.
-Of course it’s a problem. Rahul will you say it or should I? Will you or not? Bro, Fooga. You don’t clean the toilet.
We don’t say a word. You don’t put Harpic in the pot. We don’t say a word. You gamble with the vegetable vendor,
Fooga. We don’t say a word! You don’t put the exhaust in the room. Money keeps disappearing. -But we…
-Don’t say a word. So? -I thought we are buddies.
-No, of course we’re buddie. I don’t appreciate this behavior.
Why’d you shout at me? Fuck, sorry.
Did I shout? You’ll shout at me
at whatever he says? Hey Madhav, you always get us against
each other, we don’t say a word! -Give me the joint, bro.
-I do it? -I do it?
-Of course… Just ’cause you’re his buddy
you want to pee on me?! Fooga, I’m done with your surprises.
I’m putting my foot down! -You take advantage of us and we just…
-Hold on a second. -What does he mean…
-It’s what you do to us! And if a 4th person comes, where will
he live? There’s no place for a 4th guy! No one can freakin’ stay alive
in your room. His room stinks! And you’ve turned the living room
into a detective agency! What’s left is my room! I can buy a mansion near the Ganges
for the amount of rent we pay here! Correct! Go to the Ganges then. Go live with those naked Sadus man. They’re not naked. And you go be a nerd
in your house, don’t brag here! I’ll be right here! Rahul, who do you pay
the rent to in the begining of the month? -I give it you, man.
-Oh fuck,I thought we had a new Landlord. Look at what he’s doing!
Cheapo. Look at how cheap he is.
Are you seeing that? Listen, I’m not going to sit here
and take this guy’s shit! He always does this, he’s your buddy
and I have to take his shit! Oh man, Fooga. My day’s been bad man!
Even that black fatso did this to me! All fat men are the same! You calm down,
he’s Pablo Escobar’s nephew. Even my uncle Murari is in the army.
He’ll get them here in a second! -Who is Uncle Murari?
-Guys! Look, I don’t have anything personal
against you… Guys, that’s Kay. -Kay, that’s my house buddy Rahul.
-Hi! That’s our 6th floor buddy… -Richa.
-Richa! -Hi, Richa.
-That’s the incredible sulk. -Hi.
-Hi. I didn’t find my keys to pick you up
from the station. You mean airport? You took a flight? Even I have a car. -I was going to meet you outside T2.
-Kay, let’s keep your shit. Lovely house you guys. -Thank you, I decorated.
-Yeah I set the living room with him. Thank you so much guys
for having me here. I promise you won’t even notice
when I’m at home. I’ll just sleep on the couch. No, no, we play PS on the couch, so… Yeah, of course. I’ll bunk with Frank. No, he’s your brother, right? You can’t sleep there. No, you can take my room. -Really?
-Where will you sleep? I’ll send her in and come out
to sleep with Rahul. We’ll figure something out. -You’ll give me your room?
-Yeah… Frank. I’m coming directly from the gig, I’m
really tired, I’ll go in and crash? -I’ll see you in the morning.
-Cool, cool. Bye. Good night. Just a second,
I’ll quickly arrange the room for you. Yeah, sure. -What happened to his revolt?
-He lost. How was your gig? Very long. You look damn tired. Did you get me
any gifts or no? Yeah, it’s all yours. -I’ll show that to you in the morning.
-Good night. -Good night.
-Good night! -Good night.
-Bye, see you. Madhav! What were you cleaning? The dirt’s in your eyes, bro. So what? How is this affecting you.
You read a book. -Side boob?
-Listen, bro. Dips! Fooga. She doesn’t look like your cousin. Look at her and yourself. Such a big difference
in the gene pool? -Did I say cousin?
-Yes. She’s actually my half-sister. Dad was a hunter, you know? Even mom could be one… You go home. You’re done here today. Go. Shut up, jerk! -Hi.
-Hey. -Good morning.
-Good morning indeed. -Where are Frank and Rahul?
-They’re sleeping. -I’m the only one who gets up early here.
-Oh… So you’re the responsible type? I like responsible type. Actually, amongst all the boys. I found you the cutest. -Frank being my brother, so…
-I saw it. In your eyes. I see. So… What would you like to have
for breakfast? Can I have you? Asshole! She’s Fooga’s sister.