Articles, Blog

Puppy Fever is REAL | Fight Me On This

November 9, 2019

– Picture the worst human that you know. – You. – Now imagine me as a baby. – Ew. – Thank you, now imagine a puppy, cute. (upbeat jivey music) Dogs are far superior to babies. You know, puppies are the
future of the human existence. – Babies, and by extension,
humans, are actually way better than puppies,
because humans are the future. Having a family can give someone purpose and love in their life. – The healthcare system in
this country, besides being a mess, is also worth 4.2
trillion dollars, right? And we are constantly
trying to find ways to live longer, be better, be
healthier, but the reality is that dogs and puppies are the answer. Dogs and puppies actually
lower your cholesterol, lower your heart rate,
make you happier, make you get out and exercise,
do all of these things. Babies –
– Do (funny sounds) – Babies cause stress! – But dogs cause stress as well. There are many new dog owners that will be stressed out by having a new puppy. Healthcare is expensive,
but a lot of people are bitten by dogs, about 4.5
million Americans a year. – That’s false. – It’s a literal fact (laughs). Babies can’t eat hard food,
their little teeths are soft. Dogs can bite your arm off, bye arm! Babies, they’re like,
“Ooh, arm, lemme play!”. – Dogs are incredibly
useful to our society. Dogs protect our borders at airports. Do you know what babies protect and serve? Nothing – they’re babies! I am right. – They protect and serve their families. – Okay, have your heard that
women’s nipples crack and bleed when they have to
breastfeed? That’s not protecting. – That’s happened to me,
regardless of babies. Babies are really cute,
they’ve got little rolls, you can squish ’em, you
can go like, “Boop!”, and they’re like, “Ah!”. – She’s never gonna get it. – You agree with me, leave a comment. Babies need you, babies
will feed your ego. Dogs, puppies, they can
walk out the door and like, they can fend for themselves. Any points that you
would like me to destroy? – Babies always need things, and like, when you give them to them
they’re still not happy because they still cry and stuff like that, whereas when you hug a dog,
that’s truly all they need. That, and like, somewhere to sleep. – That’s kind of an overgeneralization. Like, a lot of dogs, if
you give them something, they’re gonna be like, “I
actually wanted to run outside.” And then they’ll bite
you, and then you’ll die. Being one of the 30 to
50 people in America who are affected by fatal dog bites. – Fine. Back to the point
you previously made that puppies, you know, that babies
do things puppies can’t. Just like babies, they can make a mess. Dogs that look like their owners, that’s basically what a child is. The major difference is that, you know, when you’re a parent and
you give so much love and time to your child and then
one day they turn around and they say “(beep) off,
mom, get out of my room!” A dog won’t do that. – A dog can say that
with their eyes, though. – My point has been made. – You comparing dogs to babies is just you proving the point that babies are great. – If you have this need
to see a small version of yourself, aka procreate,
just use Snapchat, they have a filter for that,
okay, we don’t need you putting your baby seed
all over this planet. – In conclusion, babies
won’t fatally bite you. 30 to 50 Americans every year – dead. Angelina Jolie has created
an army of cute babies. – I’m not bothered by it, Angelina. – We love Angelina. She’s littering, this is
an issue with society. If you’re on my side and you love babies, leave a comment, like this, subscribe!

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  • Reply Estrellitawilliams October 11, 2019 at 5:49 pm

    Dogs are better than most humans. Animals in general are better than most humans.

  • Reply Brenda Monroy October 11, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    Babies cost about 650$ a month as to dogs average about a 150$ also dogs won’t grow up and tear apart our ozone layer kids grow up to cause more waste and use up more of our resources

  • Reply HakunaMatataFTW October 11, 2019 at 6:28 pm

    Half of angelina’s army is adopted. Adopt don’t reproduce ☑️

  • Reply Tiny McNutsax November 2, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    I made it in about three seconds. Fat people make me deeply unwell. Try a salad once in a while Ms. Piggy.

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